In a moment of idealistic self-deception, the idea of “starting my New Year off right,” provoked me to sign up for a 3-day juice cleanse – a.k.a. eat absolutely nothing, forego my usual hourly caffeine fix, and consume nothing but fruit and vegetable juices. Today marks the beginning of day 2 and I’m starving, headaching, ferociously fiending for caffeine and sugar in a variety of forms, fighting irritable outbursts of rage, and compulsively shunning all food propaganda. But I’ve lost 2.5 lbs!
All drama aside, it’s not that bad. I’m hungry, but I’ll cope. I’m no stranger to these detox diets, you know: I managed to survive a handful of Master Cleanses (cue the lemonade, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper craze of 2008), barely made it through a 7-day juice fast a couple years ago (by barely, I mean I was so woozy and lightheaded on the last day that I absentmindedly stepped into the gap between the platform and the subway train in New York City and had to be pulled out by a kind bystander) and I somehow mastered a strict skinnybitch vegan diet for several years.
So, as a self-proclaimed honorary juice-cleansing expert, here’s the rundown on the increasingly popular Nékter Cleanse:
I started out my 3-day detox with the Organic Cleanse, which consists of six numbered bottles of fruit and veggie juices and one luxuriously satisfying nutmilk. They’re meant for consumption at 2-hour intervals to sustain your tired and toxic body throughout the day by regulating your blood sugar and jumpstarting the detox process.
Drink 1: Apple, grapefruit, celery, kale, parsley, spinach, mustard greens
Drink 2: Filtered water, lemon, turmeric, cayenne pepper, agave nectar
Drink 3: Carrot, celery, kale, parsley, spinach, ginger
Drink 4 (favorite): Filtered water, lemon, agave nectar, beets, ginger
Drink 5: Celery, lemon, apple, kale, parsley, dandelion greens
Drink 6 (other favorite): Cashews, filtered water, dates, cinnamon, nutmeg
Juice bar guy convinced me to try two different cleansing systems on the first two days, and repeat whichever I liked best on the last day. Day 2 is the Advanced Cleanse.
Drink 1: Apple, parsley, kale, spinach, mint, lime, cucumber, celery
Drink 2: Lemon, ginger, agave nectar, filtered water
Drink 3: Celery, parsley, kale, spinach, apple, cabbage, lemon
Drink 4: Filtered water, lemon, agave nectar, cayenne pepper
Drink 5: Apple, celery, beet, ginger, parsley, spinach, lemon
Drink 6: Filtered water, ray cashews, agave nectar, vanilla bean
Repeated Organic Cleanse. Lost 5 lbs in total. Woohoo!
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